


Sex Ed Featuring Hades

by dancingsnake88



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Crack, Erections, Hades TRIES to be a good dad, Hades gives Nico The Talk, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Nico's embarrassed, and sex, it's cute, mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 02:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11818989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingsnake88/pseuds/dancingsnake88
Summary: In which Hades attempts to give Nico 'The Talk'.





	Sex Ed Featuring Hades

The last thing Nico expected when he entered Cabin 13 was for his father to be sitting on his bed. He was returning from sword fighting practice, and was looking forward to a shower; but all thoughts left his mind when he saw the Lord of the Underworld himself.

"Um...Father?"

"Nico, come sit down."

Nico sat next to his father hesitantly, "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, yes, everything's fine, don't worry about that. I came to have a talk with you."

"What about, Father?" Nico had no idea what in Olympus his father wanted to discuss with him. He wasn't the best with emotions, but he seemed...nervous?

"You're growing up now, and after a discussion with Aphrodite as to how I should go about this, we're going to talk about _sex_."

Oh Gods. There it was.

"Umm, Father-"

"First of all, are you familiar with-what is it that mortals call it-" Hades produced a book from his robes, no doubt from Aphrodite, " _an erection_?"

"...You're asking if I've had a boner."

"That's what it's called?! I knew Aphrodite would give me something useless as an aid," Hades glared at the book in his hands.

"Father, no," Nico was pretty sure his face couldn't get any redder at this point,"That's just another name for an erection."

"Ah. On to the next topic then, _masturbation_."

"Now you want to know if I masturbate? Father, these are personal questions, really personal questions!" Nico said, exasperated.

"Well?"

"Father. You're really asking if I masturbate."

"I'm unsure of what mortals do these days! Is that an inappropriate question?"

"Yes!"

"Then why don't you say something before?"

Nico sighed, "Father, I appreciate you taking your time to discuss this with me, but it's unnecessary."

"Why is that?"

"I'm...um, I'm kind of already having sex," Nico prepared himself to sprint out the door, depending on Hades' reaction.

"That being the case," Hades flipped through the book once more, "Are you _using protection_?"

"Well, we're both clean, and it's not like either of us can, um reproduce, so..."

The God of the Dead looked incredibly confused, "Clean..." he looked through his book, "Ah, that's very good. But who are you having sex with?"

Nico had been wrong before. He could turn redder.

"My boyfriend."

"And who is it that has the pleasure of being with my son?"

"Will Solace, Son of Apollo."

"Is he _nice_?" Hades asked, saying it just like the other words he was clearly unfamiliar with using.

"Very. He radiates sunshine and happiness."

"Then I can go, knowing my son is in good hands."

And with an awkward pat to Nico's head, he was gone.

"Gods of Olympus, that was something," Nico exhaled, and went to take his well-earned shower.

•••

When Will approached him at the bonfire and asked, "What took you so long, Neeks?" Nico sighed and looked at him, "Don't even get me started."


End file.
